Two Nights before Mother’s Day

Two Nights before Mother’s Day*************

    OK,'Taws two nights before Mother’s Day and all through the house, not a creature was stirring. Well, except for Karl who's up EARLY writing a newsletter for you? And since I basically defiled a cherished Christmas poem to begin with, it’s probably worth mentioning that technically it's the night before the night before MOTHERS DAY for me. Whatever.

    So, I have been thinking a lot about Mother’s Day lately. And I've been talking about it with friends as well. As I was reading some of my Hello email, I noticed that there was not one, not two, but THREE different ads inside of EVERY email viewer window selling FLOWERS for Mother’s Day. You gotta love AOL-'s way of sneaking those ads into every one of your emails, huh? ANYWAY, as I was realizing what BIG BUSINESS Mother’s Day must be, I started wondering, where the heck did c Mother’s Day come from? So, I decided to do a little research. Well, as it turns out, there are several different stories about the origin of Mother’s Day but one of them is by far the most common. Wanna hear it? Here goes. So, back in about the year 270 A.D. or so, there was a priest named, Valentine. Some versions of the story said that he was a Bishop. Either way in those days the Emperor needed men for his army and he decided that it wasn't good to have men marrying up with women, because then the men would be more attached to their families than the army. So, the Emperor OUTLAWED marriage. Yep, he said, “It’s illegal to get married”. Those were the days, huh? OK, so Priest or Bishop Valentine decided that he was going to help young lovers out by marrying them in SECRET. Well, the Emperor got wind of this business, and put a stop to it in a "New York Minute".

      So, here’s Priest/Bishop Valentine sitting alone in prison and who comes along? The super-babe, young daughter of the jail managers daughter and, of course, he falls in love with her. One version of the story I read said, that she was blind and he healed her of her blindness.

    In any event, right before his execution yeah, they killed him for performing marriages; he wrote a letter to this girl he was in love with and at the end signed it "From Your Valentine". And then he was executed. Ok, fast forward several centuries and now everyone is out buying heart-shaped cards, chocolate, and long-stemmed red roses for women who have come to expect them on Mother’s Day. Gotta love it! Aside from me wanting to know what the HECK a Catholic Priest was doing falling in love with a youngster way back in the year 270 BC (Over 1,700 years before this kind of thing was fashionable),I’d like to know how this turned into men chasing around with gifts for women in the year 2014! I get it, I get it. It's nice to have a day out of the year to celebrate your love for that special someone in your life. Very cute. And if you're reading this right now and your ‘remarried or you've had a girlfriend for a year or two, then by all means get her some flowers and chocolate and one of those cute pink cards.

    But what about the REST of us? Well, here’s a little gem of wisdom from one of my all-time favorite books, "The Rules". Yeah women, the book that teaches women how to manipulate men into marrying them. Here's it is: RULE 1 Stop dating him if he doesn't buy you a romantic gift for your B.D., Valentine’s Day or Easter. Nope, I'm not kidding. By the way, a whole CHAPTER is dedicated to this one rule in the book. In the chapter, it basically says that if a man doesn’t buy you jewelry (or some other romantic gift) for one of these holidays, then you should dump him, because he's not going to buy you the “big gift" an engagement ring. Now, before I present my radical extremist opposing perspective, I must first give you the disclaimer. I think that long-term relationships are great, and if you're one of the lucky women on this planet who has found a really exceptional man, then more power to you, and I hope she likes the romantic gifts that he got her. Really, but for all the rest of us single people who have just started dating, I think that Easter can be kind of a drag. Why?

     Because there's another, more "subtle" message that this whole event communicates: The way to win a woman's heart is to buy her flowers, gifts, and jewelry, and to confess your feelings for her. And if she still doesn't like you, then you probably didn't get her enough gifts, or say the right things in the card. While this idea of giving romantic gifts to show your love might Be wonderful and healthy for LONGER-TERM relationships, it’s usually a HORRIBLE concept for guys to use with women that they have just met, or who they've only dated a few times.

To be continued tomorrow... Dr. Karl Wallace D.D.S.

Celebrate Karl Wallace's 80th

 Celebrate Karl Wallace's 80th with us on Memorial Day

                

Monday May 26th

Family and Friends

We're having a party for Karl (AKA Wally)!  Please join us if you can for a visit, dinner, and a little cake.

Where:

Prairie Schooner Steak House
445 Park Blvd (just off Washington at 19th St.)

Ogden, UT 84401

801-392-2712

 When:

Monday May 26th, Memorial Day.  2-5 PM.  Dinner served at 4:00

            Please come by even if you can't stay for the dinner.

What: 
Please RSVP with your dinner selections by May 19th, dinner and appetizers provided:      *Chicken Cordon Bleu
*Steak Medallions 
*Lemon Tilapia 
*Vegetarian Pasta

Mark Wallace

1536 Secrest Ct
Golden, CO 80401
303-949-7149

US GRANT’S Ringing Ears

                                                             

An Episode Of  Ringing In My Ears                                                                                                                                                            

       After a time of more or less two weeks, I came down with a furious infuriating ringing in my ears. Precious took me to see Dr. Friden at the Intermountain Health Care. Dr. Friden said, 

 I had tinnitus. which could be caused by tension, emotional or physical.Tension management involves controlling and reducing the tension that occurs in stressful situations.  My desire to make changes will pretty much determine how much change takes place. The tension center is located in my xylem a physical blue lining as is seen on a Cat-scan. Different people consider different situations to be tense. He also said, emotional tension usually occurs in situations involving humans. Physical tension refers to a physical reaction to various triggers, as for example the pain experienced after surgery. Physical tension often leads to emotional tension, and emotional tension often occurs as physical tension, an example would be stomach cramps. Hearing loss is taking its toll not just on you but on everyone’s ears. It’s incredibly common among ageing squash. About 37 billion squash in America have some degree of hearing loss and with 100,000 squash turning 65 each day, its expected to shoot up. Public Health Official’s estimate that 25% to 40% of male squash over 6o have some hearing loss and 63%of those over 70 had mild to severe impairment.  

        Hearing loss is more common in males possibly because men are more likely to work in noisy environment such as construction. Incredibly, only about 20% seek help. Cost is a factor hearing aids can run $1,600 to $3,000 each or more as well as the stigma of wearing them. Many are living with a hearing loss for a decade or more without seeking medical help. However, that was not the case for a patient by the name of G.H.C. Butch, a large melon squash. While lifting weights; he suddenly lost hearing in his left ear. During the subsequent examination, he also was found to have had some age related hearing loss in his right ear. He was given hearing aids for both ears. He shrugged off any suggestion of a stigma; comparing them to eye glasses. No one likes the idea of a device siting on their nose or poking out of their ear, but on the other hand they are extremely effective. When it comes to hearing there’s not much G.H.C. Butch said he miss’s out on. 

     Genetics, smoking, diet and drugs, tumors, aging processes called prebycusis and health conditions such as caused by to much heavy C02 and root nodule disease can affect hearing as well. Insults to the ear such as  as repetitive-loud exposure over time, such as shooting guns at crows. Tinnitus (pronounced tin-EYE-tus). Tinnitus is an ear disease that causes a high-pitched ringing, roaring, sound. It can be high or low,single or multi-toned, or a mild annoyance or a constant din.

       First of all, Dr. Fried tried psychology on me to see if it would help my tinnitus. For thirty minutes he had me meditate while looking at nude pictures in “Play Boy Fruit and Vegetables,” magazine, but that didn’t to help. The ringing sound continued, so he reappointed me for a Cambrian Juice Test to be taken in six weeks, at the same time his nurse made an appointment for me to see Dr. Valery Sweetpea, an audiologist with a round face who worked at Weber University Health Systems. Dr. Sweetpea, after a costly examination sent me home with a tuning out gadget that had ear phones that look like a MP3 player designed to help fruits and especially squash. The device plays baroque and new-age music customized to provide auditory stimulation in patients with lost frequencies. It plays a garden hose shower sound for night time sleeping. I was ordered to listen to the program for two hours daily for two months, and then the tuning out gadget is withdrawn for four more months, which gradually trains the brain to filter out noise. Dr. Sweetpea stated, in an erudite tone according to a new study by a nonprofit educational advocacy group of seagulls, some six million squash find it so disturbing that it interferes with sleep, work,  concentration and sexual relationships. The incidence is rising along with the aging population and personal music players being cranked up high. 3 month old squash are complaining this had never to have been before heard of. Tinnitus is also the number one insomnia related disability among crows in Utah due to brain injuries mainly from falling walnuts and horse chestnuts.

        Let’s backtrack for a moment to my story: Then a very strange thing happened over the holidays., I was using the tuning out gadget daily, while listening to an album of Santa Claus Christmas Songs. I started to covet Christmas songs with holiday mixes; I listened all my waking hours to anything Christmassy. I especially liked music with sleigh bells in it.  I pulled a CD from my jam-packed CD case, a song sung by four male sparrows and their jingle bell band. In the song a banana squash is upset because the prostitutes in his favorite bar are old, with old dried up pumpkin like wrinkled faces. Give the younger dressed up ornate adorned sexy women a chance. Bar hangouts covet holiday mixes. People will listen to anything if you put sleigh bells in it, with a Black Idaho bear with its rumbling basso buffo voice tuned to match. E.Gorodetsky the Bear is 54 a celebrity a star in pop culture universes. Today he’s on a treasure hunt searching a half acre of recorded music for gold at Amoeba Records in Hollypumkinwood. It’s a 1940 track by Calypso king the Might Sparrow. What a crazy concept for a song! As a TV Mr. G has seven Emmy nominations and one win. He has written for “SCTV,” "Saturday Night Live,” "David Letterman," "Two And A Half Men,”  Big Bang Theory, plus “Mike and Molly” a new project a crazy quilt mix of genre-and-decade-jumping wings. He has a record collection containing a vast array of Christmas music. He made these holiday songs mixes and sent them to friends for years. 

       I can’t carry a tune, but I love music and I love sharing it. For people who are beyond obsessed about music, like the need to share it almost like an emergency medical assist. It’s your duty to turn the other person on. The mix of my tapes and CD’; s were intended to do spread holiday cheer, I rail against the of forms of music that sprang from whore hoses and gambling joints and back alleys. I like artists like Howling Wolf and the Jamborees. I can listen to Lester Young and it breaks my heart. The idea with the mist rapes was to get people to listen to stuff they wouldn’t normally listen, a reggae track here then a country track followed by a jump blues tune. People will listen to anything if you put sleigh bells on it. I mean what a loopy crazy song! And the price of Christmas songs this year! CD’s for one jaw bone on up to a jaw and a half territory, simply jumped up from regular price somehow.

         Knowing isn’t  everything, self-awareness doesn’t bail you out. Yes crows have successfully made me feel as I do or did, but that doesn’t lead me anywhere interesting. We’ve been there, done that, all of us. The feeling is as if we’ve lost momentum and are falling into the nothing at our circle’s center, caught in motion for its own sake. These syntactic fireworks need to terminate in an emotional or intellectual experience for the sufferer. If this sounds romantic or transcendent, it is not, or at least mostly not. When the subject is the self and the self alone, it’s easy to get caught in recursive loops, and those sections of nothing are  frustrating in the way that night time dreams often are self- involved, inward-seeming, and unmoored from the real world. Can you believe it? If this all sounds ridiculous, about the same time, what had been hoped for happened, a prescription from the right pharmacy. Precious washed the ear lump starch out of my ears with the same garden hose I had been listening to for sleeping. My water bill went down, I sleep like a log, plus I haven’t had any ringing since, and hearing is better that it has ever

been.

To be continued…                                                                           

DR. KARL WALLACE D.D.S.

To read more of my writings please go to:         w.w.w.karlwallceblog.spotblog.com

4 ‘Tis EASTER TIME Frozen fog begins to clear And the grayness turns to green. ‘Tis Easter time the breath of spring, New life is everywhere, The sleeping seeds are waking, It’s that time of the year When woodsy buds of life are seen. Their heads peep from earthly tombs Sing you buds everywhere Tis Easter time, Crocuses sign in and gladness comes, With kind regards come from the daffodils The roses sing I love you, Chime in all the flowers It’s Easter time. Meadow larks and robins Fly into to town, in joyful play, They swing on boughs they Trill in ecstasy, they show their joy, Sing all birds 'ore the land ‘Tis Easter time. Run yea little brooks, run to the sea, Your cold water leaps, leaving an echo That rings out where your waterfalls shine From rocks to ponds we hear the meadow sounds By meadows, passing The hymn of the pines ‘Tis Easter time. With magic touch o'er glen and mountain side, Run little brook, carry the perfume from the Lilys that awoke, in gray mornings, Run to the twisting moonbeam adrift on the bay, Carry past city’s, the mountains the bird’s glee, Carry the joy of the spring as you wander to the sea. ‘Tis Easter time. I’ll wear a dress the color of marmalade With a border embroidered in blue The color of the edge of a meadow When spring showers fall A matching hat round as a top that spins, with An elastic band to hold it under my chin. Brand new shoes whiter than cream And heart-shaped golden buckles that gleam, A purse of butterfly blue, with a penny for you and A penny for me, to buy a glass of lemonade, We’ll skip hand in hand when we go to church, On Easter Day. I met the Easter Bunny on Easter morn, Before the cocks were crowing; I asked where you are going? “Tis in the house and out of the house-a-tipsy, tipsy-toeing, I’m a going, Tis round the house And ‘bout the house a-lightly I’m a going ” What is that of every hue you carry in your basked? “Tis eggs of gold and eggs of blue, I wonder that you ask it. “Tis chocolate eggs and venom eggs and eggs of red and blue, For every child in every house on beautifuL Easter day.” He raise his ears he winked his eye and twitched his little nose, He shook his tail stood on his toes, “I must be gone before the sun comes up The east is a glowing.” “Tis almost time for bells to chime,” He said, as he hippety hopped away, All within is love Joy forever more. Consecrate your life a new, Tis Easter time. May God give you the faith it takes, To make your dreams come true. May his love and wisdom always help, To guide you on your way. May his light shine down upon you On your Easter Day. Easter is the gift of HOPE, Easter is the gift of PEACE, Easter is the gift of LOVE, Let, us rejoice in Him, Who gives all. Tis EASTER TIME

4 ‘Tis EASTER TIME

Frozen fog begins to clear                                                                                                                        And the grayness turns to green.                                                                                                             ‘Tis Easter time the breath of spring,                                                                                                      New life is everywhere,                                                                                                                       The sleeping seeds are waking,                                                                                                               It’s that time of the year                                                                                                                     When woodsy buds of life are seen.                                                                                                  Their heads peep from earthly tombs                                                                                                    Sing you buds everywhere.

                                                                                                                                               

Tis Easter time,                                                                                                                                        Crocuses sign in and gladness comes,                                                                                                   With kind regards come from the daffodils                                                                                                                                                        The roses sing I love you,                                                                                                                                                                                  Chime in all the flowers                                                                                                                                                                                          It’s Easter time.

Meadow larks and robins                                                                                                                                                                             Fly into to town, in joyful play,                                                                                                                                                                    They swing on boughs they                                                                                                                                                                                         Trill in ecstasy, they show their joy,                                                                                                                                                                                   Sing all birds 'ore the land                                                                                                                                                                                   ‘Tis Easter time.

Run yea little brooks, run to the sea,                                                                                                                                                                  Your cold water leaps, leaving an echo                                                                                                                                                              That rings out where your waterfalls shine                                                                                                                                          From rocks to ponds we hear the meadow sounds                                                                                                                                                                    By meadows, passing                                                                                                                                                            The hymn of the pines                                                                                                                                                ‘Tis Easter time.

With magic touch o'er glen and mountain side,                                                                                                                                     Run little brook, carry the perfume from the                                                                                                                                         Lilys that awoke, in gray mornings,                                                                                                                                                                 Run to the twisting moonbeam adrift on the bay,                                                                                                                                      Carry past city’s, the mountains the  bird’s glee,                                                                                                                                                 Carry the joy of the spring as you wander to the sea.                                                                                                   ‘Tis Easter time. 

I’ll wear a dress the color of marmalade                                                                                                                                               With a border embroidered in blue                                                                                                                                                               The color of the edge of a meadow                                                                                                                                When spring showers fall                                                                                                                                                                 A matching hat round as a top that spins, with                                                                                                                                                 An elastic band to hold it under my chin.

Brand new shoes whiter than cream                                                                                                                                                        And heart-shaped golden buckles that gleam,                                                                                                                                         A purse of butterfly blue, with a penny for you and                                                                                                                                          A penny for me, to buy a glass of lemonade,                                                                                                                                                  We’ll skip hand in hand when we go to church,                                                                                                                                            On Easter Day.                                                                                                                                                                                              

I met the Easter Bunny on Easter morn,                                                                                                                                Before the cocks were crowing;                                                                                                                                      I asked where you are going? “Tis in the house and out of the                                                                                                                    house-a-tipsy, tipsy-toeing, I’m a going, Tis round the house                                                                                                                             And ‘bout the house a-lightly I’m a going ”                                                                                                                                                            What is that of every hue you carry in your basked?                                                                                                                                “Tis eggs of gold and eggs of blue, I wonder that you ask it.                                                                                                            

“Tis chocolate eggs and venom eggs and eggs of red and blue,                                                                                                               For every child in every house on beautifuL Easter day.”                                                                                                                              He raise his ears he winked his eye and twitched his little nose,                                                                                                     He shook his tail stood on his toes,                                                                                                                                                             “I must be gone before the sun comes up                                                                                                                                                   The east is  a glowing.”

“Tis almost time for bells to chime,”                                                                                                                                                              He said, as he hippety hopped away,                                                                                                                                                           All within is love                                                                                                                                                                                                    Joy forever more.                                                                                                                                                                                        Consecrate your life a new,                                                                                                                                                                                     Tis Easter time.                                                                                                                                                                         

May God give you the faith it takes,                                                                                                                                                     To make your dreams come true.                                                                                                                                                                  May his love and wisdom always help,                                                                                                                                                         To guide you on your way.                                                                                                                                                                               May his light shine down upon you                                                                                                                                                                On your Easter Day.

Easter is the gift of HOPE,                                                                                                                                                                      Easter is the gift of PEACE,                                                                                                                                                                           Easter is the gift of LOVE,                                                                                                                                                                                        Let, us rejoice in Him,                                                                                                                                                                                          Who gives all.                                                                                                                                                                                                         Tis Easter time.

                                                                                THE END    

DR. KARL WALLACE D.D.S. To read more of my writings please go to:                                                                                                                           karlwallaceblog.blogspot.com