CROWS
My name is US Grant. I'm a banna squash.When I first began to understand crow language correctly, there was an incident that happened across the street in a log house, that sits on the rise just above the Weber River in Ogden, Utah. The log house has been empty ever since as long as I can remember. It has a plank roof, nothing between the plank roof and a dirt floor, just one room no more, no windows.
From the beginning it had quirks, like an out house a three seater with a mini hole for a child, and a knot hole n the center of the roof, where you could dangle a hand down in it and scare the heck out of guests.
Like I just it had been abandoned long ago. Well, one fine Sunday day morning I was out sunnnun in my yard with my cat Cry Baby (I named her after my X). I was takin in the sun,looking at the beautiful orange colored Wasatch mountains, listening to the quakies rustling leaves, and thinkin' of my childhood home yonder in Denver, when suddenly a crow came flying by out of the blue. He lit on the roof of the abandoned house and says to me,
"Hello, my name is Doug Allen, I reckon I've struck something." As he spoke a walnut dropped out of his mouth and rolled down the roof, but he didn't seem to care, his eyes were glued on that knot-hole in the middle of the roof. Soon He cocked his head to one side, shut one eye and put the other to the hole looking like a cross-eyed raccoon peeking down a chimney. Then he glanced up with bright eyes, gave a wink or two and gave his wings a little flutter which means satisfaction in crow language. Then he says,
"It looks like a know-hole, it lays like a knot- it must be a knot hole."
Then he cocked his head down and took another gander,. Then he glances up, perfectly joyfull. He walks around the kno-hole three times to the left one eye on te hole, then flapped hs wings, glided down to the ground picked up the walnut and hurried back, then dropped the walnut in. All of a sudden he was paralyzed into a listening contenance, and the queerest, look of surprise took his face.
"Why, I didn't hear that walnut hit the floor."
He cocked his eye again at the hole and took another look, while scratching the back of his head with his right foot. Then he says,
"Well, it's too much for me, that's for sure...must be a might longway down. However I haven't got time to waste, I'll go fetch another walnut so as to see what's what." Again he dropped a walnut in and tried to flirt his eye to the hole quick enough to see what become of it, but once more he was too late. He held his eye there as much as five minutes, then raised up and sighted at the sky again,and says,
"Darn, I don't seem to understand this thing no how, but, I'll try her again."He fetched another walnut, and did his level best to see what become of it, but he couldn't.
"Well I never seen a hole like this one, must be a new kind."
About this time his feelings began to get the best of him, and he broke loose cussing and stompin about on the rim of the roof. When he finally settle down and near had control of himself, he walks up to the hole and peers in again for a minute or two.
"Well you're a long hole, a deep hole, a singular hole all together. I've started in to fill you and I'll be dammed if I don't if it takes a hundred years."
With that said, away he went for more walnuts. You never seen a bird work like that. He laid into it like and illegal Mexican with a family to support back home. He throwed walnuts in for three whole hours or more, never even stopped for lunch or took abreak. He'd just hove'em in and go for more.
At last, he couldn't flop his wings, he was all tuckered out. He slid off the roof on his back, exhausted, falling to the ground, sweating like a sun-burnt midget in the out-back. He barely had enough strength to lean back against the log house. Then he says,
"I'm going to need some help."
Just then another crow was going by, Stan Jacobson. He noticed Craig lying there half conscious. Stan hurried, a landing and asked, if he needed a doctor. The suffered told the whole circumstance.
"There yonders the hole. If you don't believe go and look you yourself."
So San flew up and took a look, then comes back and asks,
"How many did you say you put in there, Doug?"
"Not less than two tons."
Stan went and looked again. He couldn't make it out either so he gave a few loud caws and five crows came. The all stood around in a circle listenun while Doug told the whole story. Then all the crows disscused it Roberts Rules of Order like, and each one got off as many knuckleheaded inconsistent opinions as incombents do. walnuts. A motion on the floor to accept the majority vote was made by Bill Arnold, and seconded by Glen Anderson. The majority vote decided to caw in more crows to gather walnuts. Soon the whole sky was black. There must have been 10,000 brawlng, jawing, disputin, cussin, and makin my place a poopy mess. For two whole days they dropped walnuts in the knot hole trying to fill it, but had no success.
At last one old wise crow by the name of Allen Broadrick started snooping around. The door was standing a crack open caused by all those walnuts inside. As he happened to light on the rusty door knob he took a look in. Of course, that solved the sixty-four dollar question right then and there.
Come here, Allen says, come here everybody."
They all come swooping down, and as each lit aound the door, they took a glance at the half-filled room of walnuts. The whole absurdity hit home. Al fell over backward almost suffocating with laughter and the lady crow next to him. There's no sense in saying a crow doen't have a sense of humor, or crows aren't on an equal to squash, except they have feathers and don't go to church.
Two days later, while everyone was still funin, down the street came a neighborhood butter cup squash Mary who lives in Dirt City a few blocks up the road, walking her freeloader yappy terrier, which reminds me I need to walk over and tell Barney Owl there's a good eating dinner for the takeing at Mary's place. Barney is a male owl. He is a bulky great horned owl weighing in over three-pounds with gravitas and talons, ,
Nosy Mary took a look inside and said,
"This isn't funny."
Bye and bye all the crows agreed, and one by one flew back to Mountain Home or from where they came from.
To read more Karl Wallace short stories go to: karlwallaceblog.blogspot.com
