MARIA MARTINEZ FALLS
I came as the reporter of stories of interest
for the Ogden Standard Examiner to talk with MariaMartinez. It was a Tuesday morning the third day after her
fall. I knocked on her door.She opened
her door. I faced short dark complexion women. Her face
supported a swollen nose that gave her a look of an oversized piglet’s tail. Her dark black hair hung down
around her face, and smelled of rancid butter. Her loose fitting clothes hung on as they do for people who
take from dumpsters, or perhaps it was her replacement outfit, while waiting for something better to
get back from the laundry. She liked garlic—I knew that when she said, “Good Morning.” Her black eyes
searched me for nearly a minute, and then she said, “Follow me; I’ll show you where it happened!” She started down a long dark hallway—I wentshuffle stepping carefully following the garlic. Presently,
she stopped. Apparently we were standing at the launching point of her stairway accident. Her add in the
out singles section l; “Ogden Standard Examiners” after she came home from the hospital it says it all.
Word for word.
WANTED:
A GENTLEMAN COMPANION OF A HAPPY GENTLE NATURE
“I tripped and
fell down a flight of stairs landing flat on my face on my concrete basement
floor. Most gentlemen want to see a current picture in want ads. This
photo was not taken twenty or thirty years ago. This picture was taken the day I fell down my basement
stairs.”
Taken after the fall
Some ladies pay
a fortune for collagen injections to plump up their lips but I got a fat lip
without paying a dime. On top of that, I got a nose job and a face peel as a
bonus free of charge. If you ever want a face make-over, I highly recommend
this economic method. All you have to do is fall down seemingly unending stone
steps, and skid across the concrete on your nose
ABOUT ME: Attractive 60 year-old woman in Ogden, Utah,
looking for a gentleman 33 years to 89 living within 3,000 miles of Ogden.
Height: 4’10 ½” Body type slim, hair bloody red today, black
tomorrow,
Residence: Still an
Illegal immigrant
Looks: Need improvement
Education: Some
Occupation:
Unemployed. Reason: left leg tibia &
fibula broken
Income: I’d rather not say because of the above
Language: :
Spanish some crude English
Religion: Catholic, but not serious Relationship
status: Every thing’s calm. 2 Children, one at home until I mend
Smoking: socially, drinking daily since the fall. Who
I would like to meet: If you are breathing-let's talk
Want to chat? My
email is: HoityTotie@yahoo.com Tel upon
request. (Reply now before it's too late.)
If not interested? Send me a polite "No, thanks. I'm not
interested.” Then please pass it on to
someone you know that might want to date a love bird.
WOULD LIKE MY MAN TO:
Take me to Hawaii, Take me see Neil Diamond, and Elton John, Take me on
a Cruise of more than 3 days, Take me to KC Steak House,
Favorite movies: The Jerk- Steve, Martin. South I like to: Entertain, as an “Entertainer,”
I'm into all kinds of things. We really should start talking!
Personality: My personality makes me a “Fearless Leader.”
Get the two of us together and our friends will say we're an excellent couple.
Communication: My communications style a
“Conversationalist,” which means you and I should have some excellent
conversations!
Romance: I'm a charismatic romantic, and you know what that
means, the red carpet treatment, and some excellent va-va-va-voom!!!
Commitment: When it comes to commitment, I'm definitely a
“Great Catch,” we'd make excellent music, just as soon as I get on my feet.
Don’t forget I have another Face. Hoping to hear from you S.A.P.
Foot Note: Maria Martinez’s plight went out on Twittered,
Face book and UPI. She has received several encouraging emails, and is hopeful
for a commitment or a dinner invitation soon. Additionally she has a portrait
appointment next month.
KARL WALLACE: To read
more Karl short stories go to: karlwallaceblog.blogspot.com
