MARIA MARTINEZ
I came as a
reporter of story of the day reporter to see Maria Martinez. It was a Tuesday
morning the third day after her accident. As she opened her door I faced short
dark complexion women. Her face supported a swollen nose that gave her nose the
look of an oversized piglet. Her dark black hair hung down around her face, and
smelled of rancid butter. Her loose fitting clothes hung on as they do for
people who take from dumpsters, or perhaps it was the replacement outfit while
waiting for something better to get back from the laundry. She likes garlic—I
knew that when she said, “Good Morning,” her black eyes searched me for nearly
a minute, and then she said, “Follow me; I’ll show you where it happened!” She
started down a long dark hallway—I came shuffle stepping carefully following
the garlic. Presently, she stopped. We were apparently standing at the official
launching point of her stairway accident…
The following ad Maria took out in the “Ogden Standard
Examiners” singles section after she came home from the hospital; word for
word.
WANTED: GENTLEMAN COMPANION OF A HAPPY GENTLE NATURE
“I tripped and
fell down a flight of stairs landing flat on my face on my concrete basement
floor. Most gentlemen want to see a current picture in want ads. This photo was
not taken twenty or thirty years ago. It was taken the day I fell down my
basement stairs.”
Taken after the fall
Some ladies pay
a fortune for collagen injections to plump up their lips but I got a fat lip
without paying a dime. On top of that, I got a nose job and a face peel as a
bonus free of charge. If you ever want a face make-over I highly recommend this
economic method. All you have to do is fall down seemingly unending stone steps,
and skid across the concrete on your nose
taken before the fall, I derived renewed vigor
from the contemplation of this picture
ABOUT ME: Attractive 60 year-old woman in Ogden, Utah,
looking for a gentleman 33 years to 89 living within 3,000 miles of Ogden.
Height: 4’10 ½” Body type: Sliimmigrant m, Hair: bloody red today,
black tomorrow,
Residence: Still an Illegal Looks:
Need improvement Education: Some
Occupation: Unemployed. Reason: left leg
tibia & fibula broken Income: I’d rather not say because of the
above
Language: : Spanish some crude English Religion: Catholic, but not serious
Relationship status: Every thing’s calm. 2 Children, one at home until I
mend Smoking: No, Drinking daily since the
fall.
Who I would like to meet: If you are
breathing-let's talk
Want to chat? My
email is: HoityTotie@yahoo.com Tel upon
request. (Reply now before it's too late.)
If not interested? Send me a polite "No, thanks. I'm not
interested.” then please pass it on to
someone you know that might want to date a love bird.
WOULD LIKE MY MAN TO:
Take me to Hawaii, Take me see Neil Diamond, and Elton John, Take me on
a Cruse of more than 3 days, Take me to KC Steak House,
Movies I like: The Jerk Steve, South Pacific Martin.
I like to:
Entertain, as an “Entertainer,” I'm into all kinds of things. We really
should start talking!
Personality: My personality makes me a “Fearless Leader.”
Get the two of us together and our friends will say we're an excellent couple.
Communication: My communications style a
“Conversationalist,” which means you and I should have some excellent
conversations!
Romance: I'm a charismatic romantic, and you know what that
means, the red carpet treatment, and some excellent va-va-va-voom!!!
Commitment: When it comes to commitment, I'm definitely a
“Great Catch,” we'd make excellent music, just as soon as I get on my feet.
Don’t forget I have another Face. Hoping to hear from you S.A.P.
Foot Note: Maria Martinez’s plight went out on Twittered,
Face book and UPI. She has received several encouraging emails, and is hopeful
for a commitment or a dinner invitation soon. Additionally she has a portrait
appointment next month.
KARL WALLACE: To read
more Karl short stories go to: karlwallaceblog.blogspot.com
