Continued from yesterday... Kinfolk In the Western states

                                                                                                                                                                                        

                                                KINFOLK 

          My name is U.S. Grant I’m a banana squash. When I first began to understand crow language correctly, there was an incident that happened across the street in a log cabin. It is settled on the rise in the big bend above the Weber River in Ogden, Utah.  The log cabin has been empty ever since the owner closed the curtains shut the door, about thirty years I would judge and left for a job interview. I specter the job was his as he didn’t come back since. The cabin has a plank roof and nothing between the plank roof and the floor. Just one room no more. In the time big red Army Ants took over. inside and out.  A handy tip to remember is if they see you best tuck in your pant legs, and run, because they’ll start streaming straight for you. 

         Trouble is afoot on many, many feet. inside during the day light hours.  seconds after anything steps into the room a raiding column of female ant’s forms and the attack begins….. Trailing behind the female ant are the male inceptions. Clearly this is not going to have a happy ending. These ants are predatory ants, fast, numerous, and live a purpose driven life. The purpose is to kill. Sure enough, within a few minutes hundreds of termites bite the dust. Next up on the ants list most days is soybeans, aphids, chiggers, ticks anything.  Protection against these ants is absolutely necessary or you end up as a color plate in the textbook of dermatology. A swarm of the Red Army ants boiling out across the floor and underneath the floor in the Nazis style goose-step march is something to see.  Next on their rampage could likely be a TOMATO THORN WORM a large green caterpillar that if it hadn’t been eaten from the inside out, would have grown up to be a Carolina Sphinx Moth.  

        Additionally, inside the dour room, usually there are often Spotted Ant birds staring at the dirt floor.  Step up and look for the characteristic flitting and popping of the thrush-size Ant Bird, listen for its vibrato peeee-ti peewee, because whenever there are big Red Army ants out on  hunting raids, puckish Spotted Ant Birds are sure to follow. They have camera eyes, good for spotting insects left behind by rushing Red Ants. Eating the left overs making orphans of their children thereafter never seen in church.  Ant Birds skim off a good percentage of the ant’s labor snatching up grasshoppers, beetles, and other leftovers with their long beaks. It’s the reversal of the commonly held notion of parasites being little tacky things that plague large poorly dressed hosts. Here the bigger vertebrates are being killed off by insects a fraction of their size.  And the parasitic strategy is so irresistible that according to research in the Bug Journal the Spotted Ant Bird antics, traditionally opted for a mixed approach, filching from ant swarms and also finding food on its own. It is increasingly dependent on army ants to scare up its every meal. 

         Outside the cabin life in a gutter thrives in less than pristine water, including the Hornworm, which is exactly what it looks like. Near the entry way of the cabin a horrifying number of parasitic wasp larvae, tiny translucent wormy things can be seen if you look closely, tunneling through the skin of their hosts, Man, this is really a weird gig; weirder still is the fact that the gig isn’t even a live action movie but rather animal reality. No music is necessary for all of this to ruin your lunch. but the cheery Latin Brass and Drums Rancheros music does somewhat enhance the pageantry of the parasitic Army Ant infestation. 

        If you stumbled upon this cabin site by mistake, of course, the availability of an exterminator might be comforting. The Ace Exterminator Company does promise same day service. You might also hire the exterminator to take out the Armadillos. Armadillos transmit the pathogen Mycobacterium leprous.

       From the beginning the cabin has had quirks, like an outhouse, a three-setter with a mini hole for a child

         Another quirk the former owner told me about is a knot hole in the center of the cabin roof where you can dangle a hand down in it and scare the heck out of guests.

        Well, one fine Sunday day morning I was out sun’ in my yard with, with my cat Cry Baby named her after my X.I like cats, love cats but I hate dogs big or little, especially little yippee yuppie dogs. I was taken’ in the sun, looking at the beautiful orange colored Wasatch Mountains, listening to the quakes rustling leaves, and watching a few blue hazy clouds hanging above the mountains. I was thinking of my childhood home yonder in Denver, when suddenly a crow came flying by out of the blue. He lit on the roof of the abandoned house and says to me,

      "Hello, I reckon I've struck something."   

            

      As he spoke, a walnut dropped out of his mouth and rolled down the roof, but he didn't seem to care, his eyes were glued on that knot-hole in the middle of the roof. Soon He cocked his head to one side, shut one eye and put the other to the hole looking like a cross-eyed raccoon peeking down a chimney. Then he glanced up with bright eyes, gave a wink or two and fluttered his wings which mean satisfaction in crow language. Then he says,

       "It looks like a knot-hole, it lies like a knot- it must be a knot hole."

      Then he cocked his head down and took another peek, and then he glances up, perfectly joyful. He walks around the knot-hole three times to the left one eye on the hole, then flapped his wings, glided down to the ground picked up the walnut hurried back dropped the walnut in. All of a sudden he was paralyzed into a listening countenance, and the queerest look of surprise took his face.

      "Why, I didn't hear that walnut hit the floor."

       He cocked his eye again at the hole and took another look, while scratching the back of his head with his right foot. Then he says,    

      "Well, it's too much for me, that's for sure, must be a might long way down. However I haven't got time to waste, I'll go fetch another walnut so as to see what's what." 

       Again he dropped a walnut in and tried to flirt his eye to the hole quick enough to see what become of it, but once more he was too late. He held his eye there as much as five minutes, then raised up and sighted at the sky again, and says, 

          "Darn, I don't seem to understand this thing no how, but, I'll try her again. “ He fetched another walnut, and did his level best to see what become of it, but he couldn't.

     "Well I never seen a hole like this one, must be a new kind." About this time his feelings began to get the best of him, and he broke loose cussing and stomp ‘in about on the rim of the roof. When he finally settles down and near had control of himself, he walks up to the hole and peers in again for a minute or two. 

      “Why, I know how to take care of this little problem. You're a long hole, a deep hole, a singular hole all together. I've started in to fill you and I'll be dammed if I don’t fill yu if it takes a hundred years."

      With that said, away he went for more walnuts. You never seen a bird work like that. He laid into it like an illegal Mexican with a family to support back home. He throwed walnuts in that hole for four whole hours or more never even stopped for lunch or took a break. He'd just hove'em in and go for more. At last, he was all tuckered, slid off the roof on his back, falling to the ground, sweating like a sun-burnt midget in the out-back. 

           To top it off he was sitting on a medusa head. It is a spiky, grass like plant inedible for livestock and wildlife. it’s all over the place and causing big problems, getting terrible. Worse than army ants. Crowding out native grasses and grazing land. Its seeds can stay on the ground for years poising a wildfire risk besides, a losing battle all over the West. Doug was still sitting on the thorny medusa head pad with barely enough strength to lean back against the log cabin. Then he mumbles,

      "I'm going to need some help."

      Just then another crow was gliding by, Stan Jacobson. He noticed Doug lying there half conscious. Stan hurried a landing and asked if he needed a doctor. The suffer told the whole circumstance.

      "There yonders the hole. If you don't believe me, go look for yourself." So Stan flew up and took a look, then comes back and asks,

      "How many did you say you put in there, Doug?"

      "Not less than two ton."      

                                                                              

       Stan went and looked again. He couldn't make it out either, no ants nothing, so he gave a few loud caws and five crows came. All six crows stood around in a circle listelin while Doug told the whole story. Then they discussed it ROBBERTS RULES OF ORDER. Each crow got off as many knuckleheaded inconsistent opinions as Congressional incumbents do. Finally a motion on the floor to accept the majority vote was made by Bill Arnold, and seconded by Glen Anderson. The majority vote decided to caw in more crows to gather walnuts. Soon the whole sky was black. There must have been 10,000 crows brawling, jawin, disputin, cussin, and making my place a poopy mess. For two whole days they dropped walnuts in the knot hole trying to fill it. No success. At last one old wise crow by the name of John Stone started snooping around. The front door was standing a crack open, caused by all those walnuts inside. He perched himself on the rusty door knob and took a look in. Of course, that solved the sixty-four dollar question right then and there.

      “Come here,” John says, “Come here everybody." 

        They all come swooping down, and as each lit around the door, they took a glance at the half-filled room of walnuts. The whole absurdity hit home. John fell over backward almost suffocating with laughter and the old lady crow next to him. There's no sense in saying a crow doesn’t have a sense of humor, or crows aren't on an equal to banana squash, except they have feathers and don't go to church.

        Two days later, while everyone was still fun ‘in, down the street came neighborhood butter cup squash Nosey Mary with her little yapie dog. Nosey Mary took a look inside and said, "This isn't funny."        Mostly the crows agreed, and one by one they flew back to Mountain Home or from whence they came.

        Bye and Bye Rattlesnake Jake nick named “Rango” a topnotch citizen from dirt city just up the road a piece, comes by. He offers free services at the Western Bands Showdowns, and investigates corrupt mayors, that help cause water shortages causing your water to bill to go up (sometimes called skimming). It happens all the time. When RANGO lived in Portland Organ a few years back, they had no fluoridated water. Portland earned the distinction as being the biggest city in the country to just say no TO FLORDIATION. Many Portlanders treasure their city’s quirky distinctiveness; The facts said it had some of the worst tooth-decay problems in the nation. 

          This is not an issue for the faint of heart Rango told Randy Leonard, the public safety commissioner, we have some business to make up from the 20th century.  In some places opponents saw Communist plots. Opponents said the science on fluoride, despite more than half a social policy and health policy melded as residents and elected official debated whether the liberal social goals that the city had become famous for, sometimes to parody. Fluoridation is to be put into effect in about 3 months, which could make a public ballot challenge difficult.

 Idespite more than half a social policy and health policy melded as residents and elected official debated whether the liberal social goals that the city had become famous for. n some places opponents saw Communist plots.  The commissioner of public utilities, Amanda Fritz, a former nurse, said,    

    

         “Some complaints about the council’s work on the issue are valid, including those of neighboring communities that said they were not consulted. The way we get there does matter, but she added that everything in her background as a nurse and mother combined with what she had learned in preparing for the vote, convinced her that fluoridation was the right course. Boosting the level to around 0.7parts per million, has been found by numerous studies to help protect teeth from cavities. The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention has called the introduction of fluoride in municipal drinking water after World War II one of the 10 greatest achievements in public health of the 20th century, up there with vaccination and motor vehicle safety improvements some audience members held signs on their laps for the cameras, in vigils of mute protest. “Public water public vote!”

      Thanks to Rango’s persistence, Portland long over due is now florided. 

      Normally, animation removes all the bumps and warts of reality, but with Rango, the audience feels like he was shot with a camera, not much objective, realism, just a bad school play. Nosy Mary is chairman of the Animal Liberation Association, and President of the High Country Hike Club. This time of year, a lot of us squash head up to the snow parks for back country adventure. Snowshoeing along groomed tracks and leaves some hikers yearning for something a little more primitive. The Cook and Green Pass trail in the heart of the Siskiyou does provide the wild adventure squash look for, minus the crowds. The Cook and Green Pass Trail No. 969 start from the Mid Fork-Applegate River and ascend 8.2 miles to the Siskiyou Crest, where it feeds into the Pacific Crest National Scenic Trail.

      Other than a few logs felled by winter’s fury, the trail is in good shape and clear. We’ll start out with an easy, winding ascent through mixed forest. After about .5 miles the trail crests a genteel ridge and continues in a southwest direction...

To be continued by popular request...

 Go to: drkarlwallace@gmail.com to put in your request if you would like me to continue with the rest of the story (8 MORE CHAPTERS) …..or if you’ve had enough just say  enough is enough.