Ms.Maria Martinez’s Fall
I came as a
reporter for the Ogden Standard Examiner, stories of interest to see Ms. Maria
Martinez. It was a Tuesday morning the third day after her accident. When she
opened her door, I faced a short dark completed woman in a blue and white
muumuu. Her face supported a swollen nose that gave her nose the look of an
over sized piglet. Her dark black hair fell down around her face, and smelled of
rancid butter. Her loose fitting clothes hung on as they do for people who take
from dumpsters, or perhaps it was the replacement outfit while waiting for
something better to get back from the laundry. She likes garlic. I knew that
when she said, “Good Morning.” Her black
eyes searched me over for nearly a minute, and then she said, “Follow me, I’ll
show you where it happened!”
She started
down a long dark hallway. I came stepping carefully after her following the
garlic. Presently, she stopped; apparently we were standing at the official
launching point of her stairway accident.
Ms. Martinez took out
the following ad in the Ogden Standard Examiner singles section.
Ms. Maria Martinez Singles
Meet Ad
WANTED A GENTLEMAN COMPANION
I tripped and
fell down a flight of stairs landing flat on my face on my concrete basement
floor. Most gentlemen want to see a current picture in want ads. This photo was
not taken twenty or thirty years ago. It was taken two or three days after I
fell down my basement stair
-
Me
after the accident
Some ladies pay
a fortune for collagen injections to plump up their lips but I got a fat lip
without paying a dime. On top of that, I got a nose job and a face peel as a
bonus free of charge. If you want a face make over, I highly recommend this
economic method. All you have to do is fall down your basement stairs, skid
across the concrete on your nose.
Me before the accident
A LITTLE ABOUT
ME: I was born April 1, 1974 I’m an
attractive 39 year old woman living in Ogden. I’m looking for a gentleman
between 29 years old and 60 within 2,500 miles of Ogden. I’m willing to
relocate. Height 4’10 ½”, slim, hair black, bloody red today, black soon, eyes
same as hair,
Residence: Illegal emigrant Education: Some high school looks presently need improvement
Occupation:
Unemployed. Reason is left leg tibia & fibula broken
Income: Unemployment because of the
above
Language:
Spanish some crude English
Religion: Catholic, and Secular Humanists Groups
Relationship status: Divorced,
every thing’s calm.
Children 2 not living with me except 1 at home until I mend Drinking Habits: Social drinker, but daily
since the fall so as to help me sleep
Who I would like to meet: A gentleman that is warm and breathing.
Want to chat? My email is: HoityTotie@yahoo.com Cell
801-648-8515.
Reply now before it's too late. If you’re not interested? Send me
a polite "No, thanks. I'm not interested.”
Then pass it on.
My Interests: I like to travel Hawaii, live music, Elton
John, cruises of more than 3 days, eating out 0KC Steak House, Panda Palace,
dancing, movies, The Jerk Steve Martin. I Like To: Entertain, as an
“Entertainer,” I'm into all kinds of things. We really should start talking!
Personality: My personality makes me a “Fearless Leader.”
Get the two of us together and our friends will say we're an excellent
couple. Communication:
My communication style makes me a “Conversationalist,” which means you and I
should have some excellent conversations!
Romance: I'm a romantic “Sentimentalist,” and you know what
that means: You and I could be in for some excellent va-va-va-voom!!!!
Commitment: When it comes to commitment, I'm definitely
committed a “Great Catch.” I’d say we'd make excellent music, as soon as I get
on my feet. Don’t forget, I have another face.
Hope to hear from you soon.
*Foot Note: Maria Martinez’s plight went out Twittered, Face
book, and UPI. She, thence, has received several encouraging e-mails. She is
hopeful for a commitment or a dinner invitation soon.
Additionally she has a
portrait appointment next month.
DR. KARL WALLACE D.D.S.
To read more Dr. Wallace stories go to: w.w.w. karlwallaceblog.blogspot.com:
