A Debate over a Boyfriend and Glue Boils over
Dear Abby,
I have
been going with my boyfriend for more than a year. I don’t mind his religious
views, and I have no problem with religion as long as it isn’t being forced on
me. However thinking about a future with him, I wouldn’t want his religious beliefs
forced on my children. I want them to make their own choices when they’re old
enough to understand. He wants an ideal Christian family, where he raises his
children on his term and with his religious views. I don’t feel children should
be forced into something from birth. What can we do?
Also
I have a problem concerning glue. I learned some time ago upon reading the “Desert
News,” facts as stated by The Salt Lake
County Health Department in their very scientific words, “Fecal contaminants
were found in the Petrochemical Glue Storage tanks in North Salt Lake City.
Glue as everyone knows, is has many uses.
Imagine, for a moment, poop in the glue on envelopes. I now use a wet sponge
with every envelope I seal. I scrub the top of every jar with a wet towel for
the same reason.
I no
longer eat KFC for the reason that its chickens are horrible mutant freaks with
no eyes or feathers.
I no longer
use cancer-causing deodorants. Even though I smell like a gazelle after a hot
day.
I no longer
drink Coca Cola as it can dissolve a wisdom tooth within a week.
I don’t shop at Target since they are French
and they don't support our troops or the Salvation Army.
I don’t use
Saran wrap when I microwave, because it could
cause cancer.
. I don’t
check the coin return on pay phones, or parking meters because I could be
pricked with a needle and get aids.
I don’t accept packages from UPS or FedEx,
because they could actually be Al Qaeda in disguise.
I don’t use
anyone's toilet but mine, because a big brown African spider could possibly be
lurking under the seat causing my instant demise when it bites my ass.
I take
my Rottweiler along to watch the car when I shop so no one will hide in my back
seat and rape me after I finish shopping, and I would never ever pick up a
$5.00 bill dropped in the parking lot, because it probably was placed there by
a sex molester waiting underneath my car to grab my leg.
I no longer
drive, and I won't, not until the
president's non-partisan "Quick Oil Plug" gets funded. I'm going to
wait for a car manufacturer to make a car that runs on water, but only works if
it uses the water from the Gulf of Mexico.
I’ve stopped answering the land line as to
prevent a dialed number, for which I will get a $990.00 phone bill from calls
to Mexico City, Jamaica, Uganda or Singapore. I don’t boil a cup of water in
the microwave, because it can blow up and ruin my face.
Send this e-mail attachment to at least a
dozen Illegal Mexicans in the next sixty seconds or a large Mormon seagull with
diarrhea will land on your head at 8:00 PM and the fleas from twelve camels
will invest your back, causing you to grow a hairy hump. I know this will occur
because it actually happened to a friend of my next door neighbor’s ex-mother-in-law's
husband who is a FBI informer.
The “Salt
Lake Tribune” article also said, “North Salt Lake City no longer has any money,
ever since the sheriff locked the Glue Refinery door, following the explosion
that blew up those twelve houses. But that will change once the city receives
the $200,000.00 that Obama promised. See Green Belt Act B S #69. After all, the
government can't do anything wrong, can it?
Thank you, in advance Abigail, from
the bottom of my heart, for any informative advice you may care to offer.
Sincerely,
Gail North Salt Lake
City, Utah
If you are not an intended
recipient of this email, you are hereby notified that you received this email
in error. Kindly contact the sender. If you do use an envelope be sure and use
a wet towel to seal it, as I said above poop in the glue.
………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………..
July 6,
Dear mind of your own.
A Christian family man isn’t the right choice for you. You can part friends and
agree to disagree. If your boyfriend wants to parent a Christian family in
which he raises his children “on his terms and with his religious beliefs”
there will be no compromise…And if you are adamant that your children can choose
to do what they want to do when they’re
old enough to understand you-and they- will be better off if you choose a
father who has similar beliefs.
“Poop” in glue. Good heavens lady,
calm down.”
Sincerely,
Abby
DR. KARL WALLACE D.D.S.
To read more of Karl’s stories go to: w.w.w.karlwallaceblog.blogspot.com
