KARL WALLACE
A GREEN HOUSE on 4775 So. Taylor Ave.
No one said it would be easy to build the greenest house on the block. I would get away from the high energy bills, ugly lawn and build the true meaning of green let’s just say I love the earth. You see I saw an article in a newspaper about a guy who built a greenhouse using mostly twigs, mud and straw. I would do the same thing, build a green home. My dream house.
So I took the article to my designer, showed him the magazine and said give me one just like this. My designer only knows how to design homes using materials that the local planning commission is likely to approve. But he wants the job, so he tries hard to talk me out of using twigs, pinecones and abandoned bird nests. He tells me that no builder will build it; it won't get approved by the city. It wouldn’t stand up to earth quakes, or termites, but I persist. I’m saving the earth.
My designer, Fred Farfuncle, and later my contractor also, ked me to sign a document saying I wouldn’t sue them if beavers eat a load-bearing wall and my entire family is crushed by forest debris. I made the mistake of mentioning this to my wife, Jolene, and she subsequently filed for divorce. But I’m not deterred, I have a dream.
The next hurdle is the city planning department. They like to approve things that are similar to things they've approved before. To do otherwise is to risk unemployment. And the neighbors don't want to live next to a house that looks like a compost pile. But I medicated everyone in the planning department heavily with money and they approved my project over the objections of the neighbors, and the beavers who were suspiciously flexible you could say for the sake of this fascinating story.
Now I needed a contractor who was willing to risk his career to builds this cutting-edge technology dream. No builder wants a risky project that could end his career. And how would he price it? He'd have to learn a whole new building method and find subcontractors willing to take on the risk. Amazingly, after a long search, I did find a builder, Jim Mathews, who was willing to tackle the project for about 55% more than the cost of a traditional house frame, which I thought was reasonable given the extra business uncertainties. I’m ok with the extra costs because as I said before I’m living my dream against all odds.
I finally get the house built three years later. But I can't figure out why my monthly energy bill isn't the same as Al Gore and Robert Redford, two men, I suspect from they have said, built their homes green.
One fine day I ran into an engineer who, unlike myself, actually knew something. He listens to my whining about the electric bill and speculates that perhaps the walls weren't packed densely enough, or maybe there was too much moisture in the straw, or maybe magazine articles are a bad way to learn about the science of insulation, or perhaps, he speculates, while choosing his words carefully, you were too ignorant to realize that the majority of your energy loss is through your windows and roof.
His point was, being green is not easy, a fact which I already learned.
To be continued…
