THE Night before Mother’s Day*************
OK,'Taws the night before Mother’s Day and
all through the house, not a creature was stirring. Well, except for Karl who's
up EARLY writing a newsletter for you? And since I basically defiled a
cherished Christmas poem to begin with, it’s probably worth mentioning that
technically it's the night before the night before MOTHERS DAY for me.
Whatever.
So, I have been thinking a lot about Mother’s
Day lately. And I've been talking about it with friends as well. As I was
reading some of my Hello email, I noticed that there was not one, not two, but
THREE different ads inside of EVERY store and email viewer window selling
FLOWERS for Mother’s Day. You gotta love AOL-'s way of sneaking those ads into
every one of your emails, huh? ANYWAY, as I was realizing what BIG BUSINESS Mother’s
Day must be, I started wondering, where the heck did Mother’s Day come from? So, I decided to do a
little research.
Well, as it turns out, there are several
different stories about the origin of Mother’s Day but one of them is by far
the most common. Wanna hear it? Here goes. Back in about the year 270 A.D. or
so, there was a priest named, Valentine. Some versions of the story said that
he was a Bishop. Either way in those days the Emperor needed men for an army
and he decided that it wasn't good to have men marrying up with women, because
then the men would be more attached to their families than the army. So, the
Emperor OUTLAWED marriage. Yep, he said, “It’s illegal to get married.” Those
were the days, huh? OK, so Priest or Bishop Valentine decided that he was going
to help young lovers out by marrying them in SECRET. Well,the Emperor got wind
of this business, and put a stop to it in a "New York Minute."
So, here’s Priest/Bishop Valentine
sitting alone in prison and who comes along? Super-babe, young daughter of the Warden’s
daughter, and of course, he falls in love with her. One version of the story I
read said, that she was blind and he healed her of her blindness.
In the event, right before his execution
yeah, they killed him for performing marriages; he wrote a letter to this girl
he was in love with and at the end signed it "From Your Valentine". And
then he was executed. Ok, fast forward several centuries and now everyone is
out buying heart-shaped cards, chocolate, and long-stemmed red roses for women
who have come to expect them on Mother’s Day. Gotta love it! Aside from me
wanting to know what the HECK a Catholic Priest was doing falling in love with
a youngster way back in the year 270 BC (Over 1,700 years before this kind of
thing was fashionable),I’d like to know how this turned into men chasing around
looking for gifts for women in the year 2014!
I
get it, I get it. It's nice to have a day out of the year to celebrate your
love for that special someone in your life. Very cute. And if you're reading
this right now and you,re ‘remarried or you've had a girlfriend for a year or
two, then by all means get her some flowers and chocolate and one of those cute
pink cards. But what about the REST of
us? Well, here’s a little gem of wisdom from one of my all-time favorite books,
"The Rules Book". Yeah the book that teaches women how to manipulate
men into marrying them. Here's it is: RULE 1 Stop dating him if he doesn't buy
you a romantic gift for your B.D., Valentine’s Day or Easter. Nope, I'm not
kidding. By the way, a whole CHAPTER is dedicated to this one rule in the book.
In the chapter, it basically says that if a man doesn’t buy you jewelry or some
other romantic gift on anyone of these holidays, then you should dump him,
because he's not going to buy you the “big gift" either, an engagement
ring. Now, before I present my radical extremist opposing perspective, I must
first give you the disclaimer. I think that long-term relationships are great,
and if you're one of the lucky women on this planet who has found a really exceptional
man, then more power to you, and I hope you like the romantic gifts that you got.
Really, but for all the rest of us guys have just started dating, I think that
Easter can be kind of a drag. Why?
Because there's another, more
"subtle" message that this whole event communicates: The way to win a
woman's heart is to buy her flowers, gifts, and jewelry, and to confess your
feelings for her. And if she still doesn't like you, then you probably didn't
get her enough gifts, or say the right things in the card. While this idea of
giving romantic gifts to show your love might Be wonderful and healthy for
LONGER-TERM relationships, it’s usually a HORRIBLE concept for guys to use with
women that they have just met, or who they've only dated a few times
Easter Day is one day away. It has come to
my attention that a lot of you guys have no idea what to get your beloved. Duh.
All right, I’ll help, but first can we just state the obvious? You should have
come to me weeks ago. Now you’re
this close to buying drugstore candy and pretending that was your plan all
along, which is never going to fly with any women over the age of 8. You
already know this; I’m sure, so I’ll resist pointing out how often you guys
rely on women to rescue you. Whoops, there I go, pointing it out. Oh well,
Onward Cowards.
Let’s start with the question my male
friends constantly ask me. “What do women want?” This is like asking, “What
size shoe do women wear?” They’re not SMURFS. There are as many answers to that
question as there are women waiting for men to stop interrupting them. Speaking
of which, I have some good news: Your best Easter gift may cost you NOTHING. In
an unscientific study,I conducted with women strangers I met in the cereal
aisle at Wal-Mart, I found that a lot of women would just like a little
quiet—from men. To be specific apparently, guys talk when they should be
listening. Not you, of course, but definitely someone you know. Let’s pretend it’s
you just to illustrate. Say your girlfriend starts to vent about a friend’s
snide comment about her neck, BONUS TIP: After a certain age, women hate that
their necks have more rings than a giant oak. NEVER MENTION THIS. Instead of
nodding sympathetically as she rants, you—again hypothetically—come up with a
10-point plan to fix a whole part of her life that isn’t broken. Then you get
angry when she has the nerve not to thank you. DON’T DO THAT.
For one whole day—let’s make Easter work
for you;-just act like a bobble head. You might even say, “Wow! How did that
make you feel?” Wait until she’s sitting down before you do this. Fan her with
a place mat, if necessary. Also, consider this wish, shared with me by a women
named Barbara: “I wanted to have a nice dinner with my hubby on Valentine’s
Day. Then I wanted to come home and watch a chick flick with him. I also wanted
to have his mouth duct-taped shut so he couldn’t add commentary to the movie. I
think we’re seeing a theme here: Shhhh…another women’s wish. There are women
who think love is spelled v-a-c-u-u-m c-l-e-a-n-e-r. Ester wants a particular
brand of vacuum cleaner for Valentine’s Day. For weeks she’s been putting
pictures of it round her house. Finally, her husband threw his hands in the air
and said,
“Esther, I don’t care how many hints you
give me, I’m not vacuuming.” See,
you’re not alone if you’re clueless.
Granted, women aren’t easy to decipher.
They claim they don’t want anything when they do. They say they are on a diet
and you think they mean even on Feb. 14th, and they don't. They
insist that V.D. Valentine’s Day is a commercial mockery of true love, and then
they wonder why you won’t fork over 20 bucks for a box of candy, shaped like
nobody’s heart. No wonder you don’t know what to do for special days. Best Bet:
Try sending her flowers. Write “LOVE” on the card. Compliment her neck.
Looking for Ms. Right I devote this
review to new television about love, or more specifically to new TV about how
people get together in our crazy frenetic, high-tech, isolated, fat-fearing
world. An absorbing fact about Internet dating… women are terrified of meeting
serial killers online. Men are terrified of meeting women of above-average
weight. Network television is, of course as averse to physical imperfection in
women as a high rolling bond trader scouring happy hour.
Mike and Molly are a good example of an
obsessed couple who are fighting the good fight against chocolate frosting
every day. A rare exception to a relentless advocating for size 2. But as if to
repeal that act of political correctness and remind us that after all, Charlie
Sheen’s employer, an average guy who dumps his perfectly attractive girlfriend
for a hotter one in a tighter dress
. Then there’s Ben Biggs, who meets his
upgrade, Kate Chalk, on top of the Empire State Building and then pursues her
without first going through the tried and true protocol of breaking up with the
incumbent.
This would be entirely inoffensive if Ben
were meant to be remotely rakish. But instead he is a soulful searcher of
low-grade mind meld. I say low-grade because he isn’t looking for someone who
shares an interest in Civil War Diaries and Leviticus, but rather someone who
could sit down with a bag of Doritos and imagine a fight between Wonder Woman
and Superman. The kind of companion Ben really wants is an 11 year old boy with
breast implants. As it is, he’s continually flanked by a Zach Galifianakisis
his best friend whose contentious banter MEANS another SCHLUB is destined to be
dating waaay above his pay grade.
. Even worse, for guys who don't have the skills to meet women and get
dates, it's downright DEPRESSING. I think that the Valentine's Day section of
all stores should have a sign that says "No one who has been in a
relationship less than 6-12 months allowed". Why's that? Because, if you
"Go Valentine's Day" on a girl that doesn't know you very well especially
an unusually attractive one), you'll probably only be talking to her for
another week or two. Here’s the problem. MOST of the things that we guys have
been brought up believing about how to "pursue" women is WRONG. IT
DOESN'T WORK. Your mom loved you, but all that stuff she taught you about how
to be a nice, respectable, ass-kissing Wuss Bag was waaaaaaawayyyy off the Mark.
Duh! See, the period from when you first meet a woman, up until the first 10
dates or so, is VERY different from ALL OTHER TIMES IN YOUR LIFE. All of the
rules you've learned about how to behave, how to be "nice", how to
"make friends”, how to treat people with kindness, etc. are USELESS here,
And EVEN WORSE, all the things you've learned about how to pursue women with
gifts, food, and compliments will BACKFIRE on you big time if you use them. THIS
PART OF THE GAME IS DIFFERENT. And events like Valentine's Day, no matter how
well-meaning they might be intended, definitely program us single guys with the
WRONG way to behave around women we're attracted to (but not in a long-term
relationship. So, what’s the answer? What should we be doing on Valentine's
Day? And how should we be feeling? Well, here's a little
self-tester and self-help quiz for you. If the statement and question applies
to you, then do what comes after it.1) "I just met this girl and I really
like her. Should I go out and buy her something really nice for Valentine's
Day?" If you just met her, then you should probably hold back. no big
gifts. If you get a big, romantic Gift or her, you're going to give her the
idea that you're VERY into her. At this point, most women go into "play
hard to get" mode, and become more and more difficult. If you really like
her, do the things that have worked to attract her. don't turn into a needy
Wuss who seems like he's trying to buy her love and approval.
2) "I'm afraid that if I don't buy my
girl something really nice for Valentine's Day, she’ll leave me. What should I
do?" The quack psychologist inside of me says if, “If you're insecure
about your relationship with a woman to the tune that you believe you have to
BUY her attention, then HIT THE ROAD. If you're dating a woman who’s interested
in you for ANYTHING other than the feeling she gets from being with you, then
you're in big trouble, and you don't even realize it. Down the road, she's
going to be your worst nightmare. Trust me.
3) "I'm single and lonely. What can
I do to get over this feeling of loneliness?" The BEST thing you can do is
get out and meet some women!
I was just chatting with a couple of different friends of mine who are GREAT
with women. They're both single guys who meet women anytime they want. As it
turns out, both of these guys had to LEARN these skills. They started out
having almost ZERO success with women. We were talking about Valentine's day,
and how most guys run around chasing after women. buying and generally acting
needy around women that they hardly know, hopeing to get some love and
approval. Here are a couple more things that both of these guys have in common:
1) They both have TONS of women calling them all the time. 2) They both avoid
buying a Valentine's Day gift for ANY of the women they're seeing. Their
perspectives and mine, as well are that if you know how to meet women anytime
you want, and women are attracted to you because of the FEELINGS that they get
when they're with you (as opposed to the thing you buy them),then YOU get to
make the rules. My point is that if you are lonely and you're feeling bad about
his entire Valentine's Day business, then get up and DO something about it. Get
some skills. Meet some women. Be the guy who GETS Valentine's Day gifts,
instead of the guy who GIVES them. You watch. Mark my words, next week or the
week after, in of these newsletters, you’re going to see stories from guys who
had women buying those all kinds of fancy things for Valentine's Day. And then
the guy will mention that he got gifts from two or three other women as well. I
can remember when I used to think that I had to buy women jewelry, flowers, and
gifts to get their love and approval and affection. I did that for years. And
it never worked very well. Well, after spending several years studying the
secrets that "naturals" use to attract women, I can see WHY it never
worked very well.
If you want to be one of the guys who GETS all the gifts on Valentine's
Day, and who has his phone ringing off the hook from women calling HIM, then I
recommend you check out my Blog and my Advanced Dating Techniques program. I'll
teach you all of the steps to turning the odds in our favor and how to meet the
kinds of women that you've always wanted. Valentine’s Day is a pain for a lot
of guys. But it doesn't HAVE to be that way. Take some action and take things
into your own hands.
DR.KARL WALLACE D.D.S.…
To
read more of my writings please go to:
w.w.w.karlwallaceblog.blogspot.com
